hi guys! its been a long time huh? so yeah life's been okay to me lately, and to anyone who looks forward to my blogposts sorry to dissapoint, hm u can follow me at twitter, i am always, ALWAYS active there :) @janniwabbit
im piercing here soon, super2 stoked for this because its gonna look so good homg, i dont think it will be painful, i dont think piercings are painful except for septum and tongue
so far life has been painful as always with the boy still being a part of it, he happily bringing home girls and idk fucking them or something and going out with them while im stuck here either crying or feeling sorry for myself but i couldnt leave him, cos he keeps coming back and making me love him all over again, lol its always like this, i accept the fact that i can never leave a guy so its good, yeah life's good
so yes....im gonna sign the papers to officially quit sch next monday, yeah its gonna be a tough one because i will have to look at my class advisor's face that confirm will be dripping with hate cos i really always make her life difficult and also it will be embarrassing because this is my 3rd time "trying" to quit sch but this time its official because she is already not asking me whether im sure or not she just said to my mum for me to come down and sign the papers so yeah im working now, i like my job its fun the people there are fun. the pay is not fabulous or anything but it keeps me going, because my mum kinda doesnt wanna give me money no more since im a college drop out already so basically im a failure in life and yeah i cant deny it too because...i just am. for now. idk i just keep on screwing my life up and my fuck ups get worser and worser as i age...so the saying 'with age comes wisdom' basically doesn't apply to me, i mean not yet tho. i guess this is the part of my life where i will look back and regret cos i chose stupid stuff over the good stuff but then idk maybe i will also look back and wish i had been a little more wilder, or something, give ppl something to remember or stuff like that.
i dont know what im typing really i just type whatever that comes out of my mind because i know that if i stop i will find it hard to get the engine in my brain here up and running again so im typing like the wind here because i just wanna let it all out, flood it all out, and yes, thats what im planning to do now. mindless typing ok not exactly mindless typing but just typing whatever it is,not planning anything beforehand just letting my fingers dance on this keyboard, dance the night away until maybe they start slowing down and getting all worn out and asking me to give them a break because fingers can only do so much you know. okay so yes, i think what im typing here is like mush just a lot of words, a lot of paragraphs but not really content but if im saying that theres not much content here im kinda insulting my ability to type freestyle you know, which means it also insults my intelligence because ----- idk what im talking about really oh my are u still reading this crap?
okay lets get serious. im typing with a conscience now. proof reading my sentences while typing. backspacing anything that seems retarded....so now im pausing...cos im kinda empty. my mind is a blank canvas right now. empty. nice feeling tho being empty. its like a hollow little something in your body and if you were to give my soul a little knock, i think it will sound just like you're knocking in a small room, on a wooden floor, with a basement underneath because then if you knock on it, it would sound just like that. a dull resounding thud. okay so much for typing with a conscience........
OK anyways..
i should jot down a little wishlist/to do list
- get a good straightener one that will last with ceramic plates and will give my flat boring hair a bob hair-ish look
- dye my hair flame red like Rihanna or maybe ombre it blue or something
- i feel like dyeing my hair pink but then...neh
- get my hip piercing
- get a belly piercing (?)
- get a tattoo......
- kidding
- im kidding about the tattoo
- chill
- get hair extensions
- shop for clothes at some thrift shop because i seriously cant afford expensive clothes because i like to buy in bulk. and i dont usually wear things more than twice/thrice unless im desperate or unless theyre basics or jeans
- come to think of it i am a boring person and i suck at styling myself
- my eczema makes my life difficult
- because of my eczema, i cant wear those cute little shoes that looks like one a tapdancer would wear, i would wear them with little knitted socks or just plain white socks, i would look so cute but sadly i cant wear em because my legs are too fucking ugly. Great.
- i cant wear ripped shorts because of my legs ....again
- i cant wear high waisted shorts
- i cant wear pretty dresses
- i cant wear oversized tops or oversized sweaters and look like im wearing nothing at the bottom because of my legs
- i cant wear those cute little tanktops and wear em with combat boots because of my legs unless i wear a pantyhose but then...it wont look as good or as cute
- i cant hangout with my friends and let it all loose or just laze around in my undies without feeling self conscious infront of them
- i cant wear bikinis anymore
- so whats the point of going to a fucking beach party
- i cant turn a guy on with the lights on
- i get so sensitive every time anyone mentions anything abt legs, it hurts me when a boy i like starts checking out a chinese girl's legs (cos their legs are always skinny and flawless), it hurts whenever ppl pretend that theyre ok with me having this stupid thing but actually they are uncomfortable with it and wish i never had it, bitch i wish i dont have this too, it aint my choice
- i cant prance around anyone's house with a cute tanktop that shows my midriff and little brief undies because my legs just fuck up my whole appearance
- i cant go swimming at anyone's pool or condo or wildwildwet or sunway lagoon and i have to forget abt my dream of going skinny dipping
- i cant be with a boy and be comfortable in my own skin i will always have to wear long stuff to hide it and who the hell cuddles in bed wearing fucking JEANS? me! hahaha cos im a fucking eczema loser
- i cant wear sexy dresses to go clubbing i can only wear jeans and jeans and jeans and jeans and jeans and jeans and jeans and trousers and pants and pants and jeans and trousers thats all there is
- everything because of my legs
- my legs are destroying me
- i swear
- i hate them
