i swear i was so messed up my brains were like scrambled eggs yesterday night. I pretty much embarrassed myself by dancing like a freakin pterodactyl (if pterodactyls could ever dance they would dance like me) in front of everyone but nah its okay i have worse moments than this...

okay anyway my 18th birthday this year is so gonna go on my list of Birthdays That totally Kickass cos i had 3 consecutive celebrations and each of the celebrations are unforgettable in their own special way 

and i mean it seriously, best fucking way to turn 18....ever. so when im 19 next year im going to really make a chalet that one i swear for all my friends cos they seriously deserve a treat from me

the thing that made it the best birthday ever is cos..not because of the cake or the presents or the clubs whatever but it is because the people that i celebrate it with. because when i look back at this in the next 5 or 10 years or so, i still wont regret celebrating with them. And i know it. i just know it and my gut feeling is always right. i dont like celebrating my birthday with a date, or a guy that i just met who promises me the world or whatever because i know things like that just dont happen with guys who make promises and breaks them just as easily as he makes them 

my ex was there too and he is one of the reasons why i still believe in love despite how fucked up the condition of my heart is right now. i don't know whats the reason he came, whether it is out of the fact that his best friend is my best friend's boyfriend or whether he is coming cos he cares for me as a friend, or he just pities me cos he knows I am still pathetically not over him yet. He may not be the most good looking of all ex-es but trust me he charms me like no other guy has with his honesty, his realness, just doing his own thing and not giving a fuck. i just love it. I can just look at him and not talk to him and i can feel my face lighting up and smiling and shit. I dont know how he does it. Seriously man

He loves to play this fucking game with me, be quiet and MIA for a few weeks/months then suddenly be all nice to me and stuff and then just as i thought things were about to get all happening, he rides off into the sunset lassoing my heart along, and just as quickly as it started, we end up being strangers again. for a second i really thought he still loves me and then the next thing i know he is off contacting another girl like what we had doesnt mean anything to him

do you know how hard it is to decipher your actions?

But i know what thing...He is just not that into me 

so i wont bother.

but i do bother...sometimes

urgh i feel so needy WHY AM I NEEDY WHY 

i have this tendency of being very mean to guys nowadays Idk why i guess its my brains' natural way of self defense after taking too much emotional turmoil 

How to Flirt

i always have this thing nowadays to fall for someone whose main objective of contacting me is to make me as a rebound of some sort. and even though i am very aware of that fact, i still cant fucking walk away from all this and thats why i am so angry. i am so angry at myself for being so stupid and i am so angry at you for making me think that there will ever be anything more than this 

Im over here trying to act like i don't care but sometimes i falter and you witness for yourself, my weakness for you showing through the cracks of this questionable wall of denial that i created for myself...i really suck at pretending. 

"Nice try" by "I am arrows"

Thanks to Friends With Benefits. this song is awesome

New Young Pony Club - Ice Cream

i was emo ok tat time
but now i ok already

Wish I could turn back time; wish it was still 2010 where everything was okay as long as you were with me. I would go all the way back to June, 2010 because I will start from the first moment I saw you, when I haven’t done anything to hurt you till you gave up on loving me. I would do anything within my power to get back the love that my own actions. Up till now, I still regret losing you. I still regret taking you for granted because you were so, so good to me and I never thought that you would leave me. I was so in love with you till I forgot the fact that there are 6 billion other human beings in this world (minus a few billion that are guys) who have the possibility to take you away from me. I forgot the fact that there are more beautiful girls out there who are much more deserving of your love than me. You loved me like a queen; you held my heart up as high as the mountains, even higher than that, as high as heaven itself. You don’t know how I think about you everyday, how my mind tortures me by giving me glimpses of you, like it wouldn’t let me forget you. Like people say, time heals. Yes, it heals, it numbs the pain, it does make me forget, but even time couldn’t fight the power of love. It’s the love that I have for you that wouldn’t stop me from moving on. Your touch, your voice, your smile, the way you held me, it still lingers, even if I scrub the skin off of me, the memory of your touch still burns me, because that is how much impact you’ve had in my life. You don’t know how special you are to me. I could close my eyes and you could give me a room full of men, I would easily pick you out just from the smell of your skin, from the heat of your body. You were that special. I swear to God that I have never ever, ever loved anyone the way I love you. Never. I’ve been lying to myself for so long that what I have after you is love but I know better than this. Until I have someone that could fill this void in my heart, you are going to keep haunting me.

Empire Of The Sun - Walking On A Dream

Arash - Broken Angel Remix

Cobra Starship: You Make Me Feel... ft. Sabi [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

Peter, Bjorn & John - Young Folks

maybe its the chilli or maybe its just me

maybe its a coincidence or maybe its fate that we wore the same thing that day 

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this is just for fun, was just messing around... first time uploading me singing for all to see and yah im kinda cheating by having pixie lott's voice there too. yes dont have to point it out to me i know my mustache badly in need of some threading + my teeth i know2 haha nvm la im not perfect i know 

Connie Talbot - Someone Like You Adele cover (first version)

blew. me. away.