its rare for me to update my blog nowadays cos im getting lazier and lazier /: plus busier and busier. i am a lazy, busy person? o.0 ok anyways this is like from last week im pretty sure my blog readers who have my fb would know that.......omg i am so boring ok i seriously am losing my touch. anyway i guess since this blog is getting dusty already not alot of ppl will be reading it anymore and its good for me because i tend to be feel less restricted when i type out whats on my mind if u know what im saying

hmm me and yat.
what can i say.....
ok since i know that he doesnt have my blog link, wait, i doubt he even knows that i have a blog, i can pretty much tell u guys what i HONESTLY think of us.
do i love him? = yes i love him the way i would love a boyfriend
do i trust him = yes for now
do i think i can last long with him = no

idk i just have this feeling that there is something missing in our relationship, still figuring out whether the problem lies in me or him. me being the fact that i am expecting too much, or him performing too little. we fought once and as i expected, its abt his past. ok wait i think i know why. his past. his past is the thing that keeps haunting me since day1. i have this miserable, miserable obsession with digging up history and getting all paranoid over it but i have every reason to do so. i know that i have every reason to do so. right?

and we really have drastically different sense of humour.
i swear to god.

then u guys will think...god janny, if he is really all that, then why be with him in the first place?
ok for starters, he makes me feel..different. with taufiq, yeah its sweet you know. nicely taken couple pictures to deceive people that we're happy, sweet wallposts with pretty words but empty meanings, ambitious promises that always leaves me hanging....yeah... me and taufiq. sweet couple huh!!! :-) for those slow ppl pls know that i am being sarcastic

me and yat - its too early to tell but i know that its going to be different, i can FEEL and i KNOW its going to be different. nevermind for better or for worse. as long as it feels different its good. different is good. i dont expect a smooth journey, i know me and yat we're gonna have major differences, we're gonna have arguments over small things, third parties. definitely going to be a third party involved. see? im not stupid, i know these kind of things are bound to happen, i've laid out a mental picture of our relationship and i have prepared myself for the worst.


anyway the hype about me and taufiq has died down, finally. and now its all about whether he's dating rafika or mira or that chua girl or that girl who deleted me for idk what reason..but even with all those girls, i know deep inside he is miserable. but yeah i dont really feel much sympathy for him cos he made me pissed off a few days ago because of what he did to my mum and how unconvincing he sounds when i try to squeeze the truth out for him. dont ask me what he did cos.....i wont tell. and yes, as much as i hate him now, i will still be jealous if he finally settles down with a girl but then its a normal feeling for ex-es to have especially when we just broke up. i try to convince myself that i still love him and that i want to work things out with him, believe me i tried. but i just cant. whenever i try to revive my past feelings towards him, the only thing i feel is a dull sensation