i swear i was so messed up my brains were like scrambled eggs yesterday night. I pretty much embarrassed myself by dancing like a freakin pterodactyl (if pterodactyls could ever dance they would dance like me) in front of everyone but nah its okay i have worse moments than this...

okay anyway my 18th birthday this year is so gonna go on my list of Birthdays That totally Kickass cos i had 3 consecutive celebrations and each of the celebrations are unforgettable in their own special way 

and i mean it seriously, best fucking way to turn 18....ever. so when im 19 next year im going to really make a chalet that one i swear for all my friends cos they seriously deserve a treat from me

the thing that made it the best birthday ever is cos..not because of the cake or the presents or the clubs whatever but it is because the people that i celebrate it with. because when i look back at this in the next 5 or 10 years or so, i still wont regret celebrating with them. And i know it. i just know it and my gut feeling is always right. i dont like celebrating my birthday with a date, or a guy that i just met who promises me the world or whatever because i know things like that just dont happen with guys who make promises and breaks them just as easily as he makes them 

my ex was there too and he is one of the reasons why i still believe in love despite how fucked up the condition of my heart is right now. i don't know whats the reason he came, whether it is out of the fact that his best friend is my best friend's boyfriend or whether he is coming cos he cares for me as a friend, or he just pities me cos he knows I am still pathetically not over him yet. He may not be the most good looking of all ex-es but trust me he charms me like no other guy has with his honesty, his realness, just doing his own thing and not giving a fuck. i just love it. I can just look at him and not talk to him and i can feel my face lighting up and smiling and shit. I dont know how he does it. Seriously man

He loves to play this fucking game with me, be quiet and MIA for a few weeks/months then suddenly be all nice to me and stuff and then just as i thought things were about to get all happening, he rides off into the sunset lassoing my heart along, and just as quickly as it started, we end up being strangers again. for a second i really thought he still loves me and then the next thing i know he is off contacting another girl like what we had doesnt mean anything to him

do you know how hard it is to decipher your actions?

But i know what thing...He is just not that into me 

so i wont bother.

but i do bother...sometimes

urgh i feel so needy WHY AM I NEEDY WHY 

i have this tendency of being very mean to guys nowadays Idk why i guess its my brains' natural way of self defense after taking too much emotional turmoil