ok forget abt the past janny idc abt the past alr ppl have moved on ready why do i still hold grudges??i keep comparing myself to his ex-es and i keep thinking why cant i be as beautiful or as adorable as them. i keep thinking so low of myself cos its like im hovering in between,like im neither stunning nor cute and its like... im a regular thin person,i am most self conscious about my weight i find myself so uglily thin, my arms are like sticks and my legs are like...idk eww so thin like this-> || ||
plus i have such a lanky figure which makes me looks like a geek when i go to school even size XS polo tee is kinda loose on me hais. and idk why some ppl so dengki towards me, every part of me they want to criticize, from head to toe. little things they want to spot about me then die2 want to matikan i. it sucks sometimes:/ they donno how much i hate myself u know,when i go home and my complexion gets all oily and dark around the eyes and my hair is actually a mess if i dont straighten it, looking at the mirror is a total no-no whenever i am in such state, my nose is so bulbous from the front, how my lips so big and weird at the bottom and how my upperlip is so thin and gross and..and and...idk my eyebrows are never right! the fact that i am so thin doesn't make me feel sexy at all and i wish i have abit of curves or some fats around me.

idk i just wanna be the best for my boyfriend and i dont want him to be whisked away by someone else who is prettier/cuter than me that is my biggest fear everyday i spend at least a minute or two thinking abt how i could make myself look better and i will be all paranoid and think.. what if he finds a pretty girl at his school?what if they talk? what if they exchanged numbers?what if what if what if? LOL seriously thats how loser-ish i am-.-

anyway my my sister's date came and fetched her outside the house and my parents were like saying to not bring her back home so late and i am so not ready to be in her shoes me and taufiq still got a long way to go and i know that my boyfriend is the awkward kind